You may wonder why they disappeared and chase them or hope for their return, when in actual fact, they’ve made a sharp cowardly exit before you see that there’s an emperor’s new clothes situation.
As I explained in my book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, it’s like when someone runs the hot tap and then you get cold, then lukewarm, and then hot, then cold, then hot and so forth – often it feels much hotter than what it actually is you’ve been put through the lower temperatures.
We frequently define ourselves by our relationships and make our partners the center of our world; they become our best friends, our primary source of emotional support and intimacy.
It’s gone from intense and gradually or very sharply cooled down. Your relationship will not be able to have balance, it can’t progress because they keep undermining it, they’re inconsistent (and if you stay around too long they become consistent at being inconsistent and train you to expect less from them), and as a result of all of these things, you cannot expect intimacy When you won’t give them the time of day or they don’t know if you’re interested or they don’t know if you’re ‘buying’ what they’re ‘selling’ (read: a relationship and a person that’s not actually available), the lack of control makes .
The unspoken part of that sentence is that in not knowing their partner, they also no longer know who or what their relationship is and – by extension – who they are now.
It throws everything into question and damages your soul and self-esteem.
The first and most important thing about handling the aftermath of being cheated on is self care.
Discovering that your partner was cheating on you is incredibly painful.